


Mistletoe, Memories and Steele

by lovetvfan



Category: Remington Steele (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:28:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 19,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28294572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovetvfan/pseuds/lovetvfan
Summary: After being held hostage on Christmas Eve by three men dressed as Santa, Laura reflects on what she wants from her life and from her partner. She vows not to let him spend another Christmas alone...
Relationships: Laura Holt/Remington Steele
Comments: 45
Kudos: 43





	1. Chapter 1

Laura Holt was exhausted. No, exhausted wasn’t the right word for it. It didn’t quite cover just how tired she was. Neither did the phrases bone-tired or weary to the core, though they came a bit closer. Under the red-blue glare of the lights from the numerous police cruisers surrounding the building that housed Remington Steele Investigations, Laura checked her watch. It was six AM on Christmas day.

The last place Laura expected to be at this hour of the morning on Christmas day was sitting next to her partner – the man she knew as Remington Steele – in the back of a police van, with a blanket wrapped around the two of them – for comfort rather than warmth – as they waited for the police chief to release them.

Although the people responsible for holding them hostage the night before had been caught, Laura and Mr. Steele were required to give multiple statements. That, combined with the lack of sleep and the adrenaline that was now subsiding, Laura was more tired than she ever remembered. Mr. Steele appeared to be in the same boat, as he’d started to nod off occasionally on her shoulder, waking suddenly each time she shifted ever so slightly.

That was where his head currently rested, and Laura did her best not to disturb him. For a grown man, he looked oddly peaceful when he slept. Given what they had been through the night before, she thought it only fair that he be allowed to enjoy that peace as long as possible. While they had both been in danger – something that wasn’t unusual for them – Mr. Steele had come exceptionally close to being shot by the man who called himself Dancer.

Laura shuddered as she remembered watching helplessly as Mr. Steele faced off against Dancer with the agency gun that she hadn’t realised at the time wasn’t even loaded. She remembered – with some degree of shame – the fleeting feeling of disappointment as Dancer dared Steele to shoot, asking him if there was anyone worth dying for. Steele, knowing he’d had no other option, had said no and placed the gun down in front of Dancer. Laura had felt her heart sink even as her eyes met his. She had brushed the feeling away as soon as it came, telling herself she had no idea how she would have handled that situation. Neither of them particularly cared for guns, and though the agency had one, they rarely ever brought it along on a case, much less fired it.

Neither of them had ever killed someone, and despite her disappointment, Laura knew rationally that making that choice was not an easy one. Still, she knew that he’d seen that look on her face, however briefly. He’d even gone so far as to ask her if his inability to shoot Dancer had lowered her estimation of him. By then, she had already forgiven him. It wasn’t fair to expect him – a con man who abhorred guns – to be able to shoot a man in cold blood for anyone. In an attempt to absolve him of his own inner torment, she remembered smiling at him and telling him that in her opinion, both he and Mildred had been far too reckless. She’d watched as relief flooded his features, and he’d given her a soft kiss on the cheek in thanks.

A short while afterwards, Mildred told her that the agency gun hadn’t had any bullets in it and Mr. Steele had risked more than either of them had realised. Although Laura had smiled at Mildred, impressed by her partner’s ability to call Dancer’s bluff, a cold dread had settled in the pit of her stomach as she realised how close he’d come to being killed.

That dread only intensified as the night wore on. It was clear that the two Santas that called themselves Prancer and Donner were merely henchman and that Dancer was the real danger. Having already shot Dr. Scabbard in the foot, Laura knew he wouldn’t hesitate to make good on his threats. Laura had known men like that before.

His references to his experiences in Vietnam, coupled with an eager trigger finger and those cold, cruel eyes told Laura that if Mr. Steele had hesitated even a second longer with that empty gun, Christmas day would forever be remembered as the day she’d lost her partner. It chilled her to the very bone.

Inwardly, she’d promised herself that if she and Mr. Steele managed to make it through that night, she would make some changes in her life – starting with her relationship with Mr. Steele.

For four long years, the two of them had been dancing around each other – playing a game that neither of them seemed to know how to win. She knew that they both wanted the same thing – to take things to the next level, but their fears and inhibitions kept holding them back. When one of them seemed ready, the other would hesitate. Laura had assumed they had the time to work things out at their own pace, but the events of the previous night had shown her that life was short and unpredictable.

It had been sheer luck that Mr. Steele had survived that encounter with Dancer and the gun, and Laura knew that time was no longer theirs to waste. She also knew that she loved him. Fully, completely, and without reservation, she loved him.

It was a realisation she had been slowly coming to over the past few months after the poorly thought-out Cannes agreement had fallen apart. Her attempts to distance herself from him and protect herself had not been successful, and Laura couldn’t ignore the truth for much longer. She loved him, and even more frightening was the thought that there was a very good chance he loved her back. Despite his murky past, dodgy behavior, and inability to tell her in words how he felt, a good detective like her couldn’t ignore the evidence.

He'd stayed. For four long years, he had been there for her, right by her side. He’d been there for her after Bernice and Murphy left, after her home had been destroyed, after she’d broken up with him in Cannes, and after the agency had lost its license. He’d travelled halfway across the world in an attempt to discover his real name and offer it up as proof of his commitment. He’d done all that, asking for nothing more in return than her trust.

And last night, he’d almost lost his life in order to keep her safe. It was both humbling and terrifying in equal measure.

She glanced down, as he snuggled closer to her and smiled at the sight of him. This was definitely not how she envisioned Christmas morning, but in a strange way, she also knew she wouldn’t change a thing.

As that thought flashed through her mind, another, more terrifying one came right on its heels.

It wasn’t enough. Waking up next to each other in a police van wasn’t enough. Not anymore. A memory from one of their earliest cases flashed through her mind and she smiled slightly as it did. A meek little man who worked for the CIA had been in trouble. And, having taken notice of Mr. Steele’s mysterious background, he’d come to the conclusion that Steele worked for the company in the past and had come to them for help.

They’d found themselves in danger – on the run and had ended up spending the night in a car while they tried to decide their next move. She remembered the way his eyes had twinkled mischievously as he grinned and said, “Finally we’re sleeping together”.

It was the first time she had admitted out loud that she was afraid of how she felt for him. She’d attempted to cover it up by claiming it was Murphy who harboured those fears, but she knew he had seen right through her, and to his credit, hadn’t pushed.

In fact, the one thing he had consistently done right in their relationship was that he hadn’t ever pushed her for more than she was willing to give. Oh sure, he’d expressed frustration at her inability to trust him, but never once had he gotten angry with her for putting the breaks on things physically.

He seemed to understand inherently how important it was that they go at her pace. And up until last night, that pace had been slow and methodical.

Last night changed everything. Last night she watched a mad man point a gun at Mr. Steele. Last night she could have lost him in the blink of an eye.

And Laura wasn’t ready. There was so much they had yet to experience. She wanted to tell him how she felt without agenda or expectation. She wanted to let him know she trusted him. She wanted to make love to him, yes, but even more than that, she wanted to wake up with him.

And she wanted to spend Christmas day with him.

That hadn’t been the original plan, of course. Before the hostage situation, the plan had been to exchange gifts at the office Christmas party and then go back to his place to watch _It’s A Wonderful Life_ before returning home to her loft and getting up early to spend Christmas Day with her sister Frances’ family.

She’d invited Mr. Steele, but he had politely refused, telling her that she should be with her family and he had a date with several classic Christmas films, including _A Christmas Carol, Miracle on 34 th Street, White Christmas, _and _The Bishop’s Wife._ She had protested, not wanting to think about him spending Christmas alone, but he had insisted, telling her that Christmas was just another day for him.

She knew now that wasn’t entirely true. In addition to nearly losing him the night before, Laura had experienced a rare moment with him in his office in which he told her a story about one of the few Christmases from his childhood that he could recall. It was a harsh story he’d told that had involved him spending Christmas on the streets as a child. It had devastated her to hear him tell her so matter-of-factly about how he’d intended to steal a sled from a young boy in an attempt to find somewhere to sleep that night. Although he didn’t explicitly say it, she had the feeling that wasn’t the first Christmas he’d spent sleeping rough, and her heart broke for him as he wistfully narrated the memory of his ten-year-old self out in the cold, peering through the window at the family he would never have as they exchanged gifts at Christmas.

He'd laughed as he described himself throwing a rock through the window, but Laura knew that action had been one born of anger and rage – anger from the perspective of a young child who couldn’t understand why some got to spend Christmas in front of a roaring fire with their loved ones and others spent it sleeping out in the cold. She suspected he escaped into Christmas movies in an attempt to avoid thinking about how lonely he was.

And she vowed that he would no longer spend Christmas on his own. Her family had likely seen what had happened to the office buildings on the news. Laura knew she would have to call Frances and assure her that she was safe – an explosion, after all, had destroyed several of the top floors of the building.

She would use that to make up for lost time, starting with Christmas Day. She would explain to Frances that she hadn’t slept and that she planned to spend Christmas day catching up on her sleep and recovering from the ordeal. She knew her sister would accept that excuse without question, and though Laura did intend to take a short nap once she was cleared to return to the loft, she also knew that she did not intend on spending Christmas Day on her own.

And neither would he.


	2. Chapter 2

Mr. Steele was jolted out of a restless sleep as his pillow shifted out from under him. Sitting up, he ran his hand over his face, squinting as the world came into bleary focus. As his vision sharpened, so did the awareness of his own surroundings. His pillow, had in fact, been Laura’s shoulder, and instead of lying at home in his comfortable bed, he found himself sitting in the back of a police van next to his partner. He checked his watch and groaned. It was six-thirty in the morning on Christmas Day.

“Welcome back,” Laura said in a bemused voice. He wondered how long he’d been drifting off on her shoulder and discreetly checked to make sure he hadn’t drooled. “Officer Jones just wants to ask me a few more questions, and then he said we are free to go.”

“Good,” he found himself saying, though his voice sounded foreign to his own ears. Weariness descended on him like a blanket, and he was grateful that Fred had been willing to offer his services for the day despite it being Christmas as he was certain he was too tired to drive. “I’ll uh, just wait here, then shall I?”

Laura gave his shoulder a slight squeeze and hopped out of the van. He watched as she approached the lead Officer, awed by how alert and competent she seemed even after everything they had gone through. She was the single most capable person he knew. Most people would have completely crumpled under the pressure of a situation like that. Hell, even he’d had a few moments in which he found himself leaning towards blind panic when he thought of what might happen if Dancer didn’t get the money they had demanded. And yet, Laura never seemed to falter. She’d barely seemed phased by the fact that half the building had been blown to smithereens. He wasn’t ashamed to admit that there had he’d used her strength as his own inspiration not to give in to the emotions surging through him.

And there had been more than a few moments that had caused him some serious self-doubt. One of the most terrifying experiences of his life had been the moment he had stood in front of Dancer, trying to call the man’s bluff with the empty agency gun. As a con man, Steele considered his ability to read people to be one of his strongest talents. And the moment he found himself face to face with Dancer, he had known that he was looking into the eyes of a stone-cold killer.

He knew that Dancer would not hesitate to shoot him and anyone else that stood in his way. That alone was enough to cause him to waver, but the fact that the only one who knew the gun wasn’t loaded was an added risk only he had known existed. It was in that moment when he faced off with Dancer that he knew two irrefutable truths. Truth number one was that he was not afraid to die to keep Laura safe if necessary, but even more terrifying was the knowledge that he was also not afraid to kill in order to accomplish that same goal.

For, in that moment he knew without a shadow of a doubt, that if he’d been holding a loaded gun, he would not have backed down. It was hard enough for him to put the gun down, knowing it had no bullets. Had it been loaded, he was certain he would have shot that man.

He was a lot of things, but he was not a killer. In all the cons he had pulled, he’d never once had to use a weapon or harmed anyone in the process. It was not his way. Oh sure, he knew con men that weren’t above violence if the job called for it, but Mr. Steele had usually avoided those jobs, preferring instead to take the ones that required cunning above brute force.

It was one boundary he had set in place early on in his training with Daniel – he didn’t want to pull a job that might require him to kill. Daniel, being a man of elegance and refinement, had no problem agreeing to those terms. He’d assumed it was because Steele was young and frightened. And that was partly true. But it wasn’t because he was frightened of violence at the hands of others. It was because he was frightened of the violence within himself.

He'd spent so many years of his young life with a gnawing anger inside – an anger that never felt satisfied – that he was terrified of the man he might become if he gave that anger free reign. Last night he faced that anger in himself once more. He felt it surge within him as he looked at Dancer and found himself wishing the gun was loaded – wanting to pull the trigger. He’d felt it only a handful of times before – once when Laura’s house had been destroyed, and he had gone to threaten one of the men responsible and last night as well when the owner of the building Mr. Hastings had hemmed and hawed about coming up with the two million dollars demanded by the Santas.

He’d grabbed the man and shoved him up against the wall, wanting to tear the man’s head off where he stood. If it hadn’t been for Doctor Scabbard setting the bullets off inside his bathroom he wasn’t sure how much damage he would have done to the man.

But with Dancer, he knew. If it came down to taking a life to protect Laura, he knew. And that knowledge was terrifying.

He loved her. There was no other explanation for it. Why else would he be so willing to fire that gun? And why else had he felt like he’d failed her when he was forced to lower it? She’d hid her disappointment well, but he would never forget that look that flickered through her eyes as he slowly set the gun down and kicked it over to Dancer.

Oh, he knew that the last thing she would ever want would be for him to fire it. It had been for the best that the gun hadn’t been loaded. Still, he’d wanted nothing more at that moment than to be the reason she walked out of there in one piece, even if he didn’t.

He wanted to tell her. Up until now, he’d been so frightened of the depths of his feelings for her that he had kept them a closely guarded secret, even to himself. But after last night, he knew that hiding was no longer an option. There had been too many close calls over the years. Too many times, they had flirted with death and come out the victor. The explosion that had destroyed Laura’s house, the time she’d been shot while wearing the bulletproof jacket, and so many more. Too many. Each time, he’d stuffed his fear down deep into the recesses of his mind, refusing to acknowledge the emotions. They did, after all, live dangerous lives.

But last night had been the final straw. He knew he could no longer keep his feelings to himself. Who knew when the next Dancer might come out of the woodwork? He thought that by protecting himself, it would hurt less if the unthinkable happened, and he lost Laura. But he knew how that he’d been fooling himself. Keeping his feelings to himself would not protect him. If he lost her, it would be like losing a part of himself, whether she knew it or not.

And he would never forgive himself if something happened to either one of them without having told her how he felt.

He had to tell her. As soon as possible. He knew she had Christmas plans with her family, and despite having been invited, he’d declined simply because he did not feel it was his place to intrude on family plans.

He would be alone today, but that knowledge did not make him sad. Instead, he decided that after a good long sleep, he would use the time to try to find a Christmas present for Laura – something he had been in the process of doing when the Santas had shown up – and decide how and when to tell her how he felt.

That decision made, his heart felt considerably lighter as he watched her talk to the officer in charge. At some point, very soon, he would tell Laura Holt he was completely and utterly in love with her. And perhaps if he did, this might be his very last Christmas on his own.

He smiled. It was going to be a good day.


	3. Chapter 3

Laura could barely keep her eyes open as Officer Jones completed the finishing touches on her statement. She watched as he scribbled a few more things down on the clipboard he’d been writing on, and she fought to suppress a yawn.

Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Mildred making her way over to her and gave her a weak smile. Mildred looked just as wiped out as she felt.

“Almost through, honey?” She asked as she approached Laura’s side. Laura shot a look at Officer Jones, knowing it was up to him to make the final call.

“I think so, Mildred,” she replied. “I don’t think you need to be here for this. Why don’t you go home?”

“Oh no,” Mildred said with an adamant shake of her head. “We all went through this together. I’m not leaving you here with the paperwork.”

“I appreciate that,” Laura replied gratefully, “but don’t you need to get going? I thought you were spending the day with your nephew and his family.”

“I’m not due there for hours,” Mildred told her. “And I could say the same for you and your sister’s family.”

“Can I tell you a secret, Mildred?” Laura asked, realising she was going to need a little bit of help if she was going to pull off Mr. Steele’s Christmas surprise. “I’m not going to Frances’ house for Christmas dinner. I’m going to spend Christmas with Mr. Steele, only he doesn’t know it yet. Can I count on you to do me one small favour? Gal to gal? I promise it won’t interfere with your Christmas plans.”

“Anything, honey,” Mildred said, sounding a bit more animated at the prospect of helping out her ‘kids’. “As long as Officer Thorough here lets us go sometime before New Years’.”

“I’m finished here,” Officer Jones said tersely, looking up from his writing. He thrust the clipboard towards Laura. “Just need your signature here, Miss Holt.”

Laura took it and scribbled her signature.

“If I need anything else, I’ll be in touch,” Officer Jones told her with a sympathetic smile. “I hope you’re able to enjoy your Christmas.”

“Thank you,” Laura replied, grateful this was finally over with. She looked over at Mr. Steele, who, while conscious, seemed to be swaying slightly with exhaustion as he watched her. She took Mildred aside. A plan had formed while she’d been waiting for Officer Jones, and Laura couldn’t wait to put it into practice.

“So what’s the plan, Miss Holt?” Mildred asked eagerly.

“All you have to do is wait until two o’clock,” Laura told her, working out the amount of time it would take her to get things ready. “Then I want you to call Mr. Steele’s apartment and tell him that there are some last-minute things that need to be taken care of at the office, and you don’t want to bother me while I’m at Christmas dinner.”

“And then what?” Mildred wondered. Laura smiled.

“And then you enjoy your Christmas,” she said firmly. “I’ll take care of the rest.”

“Are you sure?” Mildred said, looking back and forth at Mr. Steele and Laura. Both seemed dead on their feet. Whatever she was planning, Mildred had her doubts as to whether or not either of them would have the energy to actually do it. She had her doubts about herself, come to that. Laura, however, seemed positively reinvigorated by whatever she was planning. Mildred knew better than to get in her way.

“Positive,” Laura insisted. “You’ve been through enough in the last twenty-four hours. You deserve to enjoy your dinner. Make the call, and I will handle the rest.”

“Just make sure you take care of yourself, too, honey,” Mildred reminded her. “Both of you.”

“Thanks, Mildred,” Laura replied, giving her a hug. “Now I better go and let Mr. Steele know that he can go home.”

“Merry Christmas to both of you,” Mildred said with a conspiratorial wink. Laura knew that older woman knew far more about what she was planning than she let on. She felt a blush creep up her cheeks as she pictured the events she hoped would take place later that evening.

She bade Mildred goodbye and made her way over to where Mr. Steele sat. His head lolled forward once more, and she knew he was fighting to keep himself awake.

Sitting next to him, she took his hand and watched as he looked over and gave her a sweet, sleepy smile.

“Everything in order?” He asked.

“Yes,” she said, leaning gently against his shoulder. “We can go any time.”

“I don’t know about you, but I have never been so exhausted,” he told her.

“Same here,” she admitted as another yawn took hold. “I’ll likely fall asleep the moment my head hits the pillow.”

He looked at her, this time with perfect lucidity, and gently kissed her cheek.

“Sleep well, Laura,” he said gently. “It’s been a long night.”

“I can’t say I’ll ever forget it,” she chuckled, feeling slightly out of breath at the expression in his eyes.

“Nor I,” he agreed with a small smile. “And while I can’t say being held at gunpoint was my favourite way to spend the holidays, it did have one thing I wouldn’t change.”

“What’s that?”

“I got to spend the night with you,” he replied, his tone lighthearted and mischievous. “You know how much I love spending the night with you.”

“All in good time, Mr. Steele,” she teased back. His eyes widened in surprise at the innuendo in her words, but she didn’t give him a chance to respond. Instead, she leaned towards him and kissed him in a way that told him she intended to make good on her words.

She pulled away, feeling a certain amount of satisfaction at the look on his face. He rarely found himself at a loss for words, but it was a full minute before he could put together a coherent sentence – something that Laura took a degree of pride in. If she could do this to him with one exhausted kiss, she could only imagine the effect they would have on each other after they were fully rested.

“Is Fred driving you home, Mr. Steele?” She asked, pretending she hadn’t noticed his reaction to the kiss. He managed a nod.

“I promised him triple overtime,” he admitted. “I could get him to drop you too if you want.”

“No, thank you,” Laura replied evasively, realising there was no logical reason to turn down the limo ride and hoping he wouldn’t ask too many questions. There were a couple of things she needed to do in order to put her plan into action, and she wanted to get them done quickly so she could get some rest in beforehand. “I’ll get a taxi. I still have to grab some things from the office and call my sister.”

“Ahh yes, that’s right,” he said with a slight slump of his shoulders. Despite his protests, Laura could tell that he was less than enthused with the idea of spending Christmas Day on his own. “You have big plans later with your family, do you not?”

“Yes,” she lied. “Frances will be expecting me.” The expression in his blue eyes changed, and for the first time, Laura could see in his eyes all the promises she’d so desperately needed to hear. He’d been telling her how he felt all along – it just hadn’t been in words. It was a sobering realisation. Without even thinking, Laura found herself leaning in once more for another deep and soul-searching kiss.

“What was that for?” He asked, thoroughly confused though clearly not enough to complain.

“For last night,” she told him, needing him to understand just how much his actions meant to her – not just with the gun but in every way that mattered. Before he could respond, she leaned forward and placed a feather-light kiss on his forehead. “And because I love you,” she added, unable to think of a single reason why it had taken her so long to tell him that. “Merry Christmas, Mr. Steele.”


	4. Chapter 4

How the hell was he supposed to sleep now? That was the only thought that ran through Mr. Steele’s mind during the limo ride back to the Rossmore. He found himself replaying that moment with Laura over and over in his mind. From that kiss – so laden with promise – to her declaration of love – seemingly absent of any expectation, she’d left him completely and thoroughly stunned.

She loved him. After four years of holding back from him, he never dreamed she’d be the first to say that. And what surprised him, even more, was how much he realised he had needed to hear it. He’d never had much faith in words. Too often, he’d been let down by people who claimed to care for him – claimed to love him. He’d stopped trusting in promises and learned very quickly to look at people’s actions.

There was a select group of people in his life that he felt he could truly trust, and not once had he demanded any declarations or promises from them. He knew better. He knew, for example, that if he were ever in real trouble that Daniel would drop everything to help him – as Steele had done for Daniel the handful of times he’d reappeared in his life.

Daniel had been the closest thing he’d ever have to a parent, and yet despite that, Steele had never asked for anything resembling a verbal promise from his mentor, nor had he offered his own. They hadn’t needed to.

The same had gone for his relationships with women. It had been an unspoken agreement in almost every relationship he’d ever had that no promises would be made and no declarations given. He dated women he knew wouldn’t demand anything from him beyond temporary companionship – a companionship that could be terminated by either party at any given time.

Other than his disastrous judgement where Anna had been concerned, Steele had learned how to spot women who did not ask for commitment, nor offer it themselves. Women who lived similar lifestyles or who were looking for nothing more than an enjoyable sexual affair. He’d been happy with those arrangements as they satisfied his sexual needs without asking for anything in return.

And then he’d met Laura. She’d never hidden the fact from him that she wanted a commitment, and he had been very careful in the beginning not to promise anything he couldn’t deliver. He knew it was the reason she held back from any sort of physical relationship, and he had respected it. He knew if he was unwilling to give her what she needed, it was unfair of him to demand the same in return and so they had stayed in limbo for four frustratingly long years.

And through the course of those years, something changed inside him. He found himself wanting to commit to her and wanting to prove that commitment. He found himself wanting her to trust him – needing her to. For the first time ever, he found himself at peace with the idea of putting down roots and staying in one place.

He found himself wanting to make a life with her. And though he wanted to tell her all of those things, he also found himself utterly incapable of telling her how he felt. Words were foreign to him. Actions were what mattered.

Or so he thought.

Except when Laura had told him she loved him, she’d meant it. He could hear it in her voice and see it in her eyes. And he desperately wanted to say it back to her. He had wanted that more than anything, but by the time the shock had worn off, she’d already headed back inside the office.

He'd needed it. He’d needed it more than he ever knew. To hear her tell him that he was not only worthy of love, but worthy of her love. It was the greatest gift he’d ever received. A lifetime of loneliness had taught him that love was the most elusive thing on the planet. Certainly, it didn’t come without conditions, and he was acutely aware of that. He thought he had come to terms with the fact that love was something reserved for other people – people who grew up in the suburbs with two parents and a nice home. Love had always been something he’d had to scrape and claw for, and though he knew Daniel loved him like a son, he had always thought of himself as too broken and too damaged to ever be able to offer or receive love in a romantic context.

So when Laura had said it, those words had meant everything to him. To think that she thought him worthy enough to open herself up – to make herself vulnerable to him despite everything he had done was nothing short of miraculous.

For the first time since he’d received Laura’s invitation to spend Christmas with her sister’s family, he found himself profoundly regretting his decision to decline. He wanted to be with her more than anything. He wanted to take her in his arms, look her in the eye and tell her the one thing he’d never said to any woman before.

But he’d missed his chance, and now she would spend her day surrounded by family, and he would spend his alone in his apartment.

A sadness descended upon him as the limo pulled up outside his building. He got out, paid Fred with an extra-large tip, wished him a ‘Merry Christmas’ before he tapped on the top of the car and headed to the elevator.

Most of the time, his apartment felt spacious and luxurious. Today it just felt empty. He thought back to all the nights he and Laura had spent here eating a meal he had cooked, watching a movie, or sharing a glass of wine in front of the fireplace. Simple things, but they had meant so much to him, especially considering that it all could have been taken from him in the blink of an eye the night before.

He valued his space and his privacy, but tonight, that privacy felt like a curse. Despite his weariness, the idea of crawling into his bed alone was one he did not relish. If his body wasn’t so thoroughly exhausted, he might have thrown on a movie in an effort to distract himself from how lonely he suddenly felt.

But exhausted, he was. Slowly, he peeled off the clothing he’d been wearing for the last twenty-four hours, threw on a pair of pyjama bottoms and burrowed down under the covers. His final thought before sleep took him was how large his bed suddenly felt with only him in it and how he longed to remedy that situation as soon as he was able.


	5. Chapter 5

Laura returned to her loft after running her errands, fighting to keep her eyes open. As she trudged wearily up the stairs, she found herself thinking that for once she understood Mr. Steele’s hatred for the lack of an elevator in her building. There were a few moments she was genuinely tempted to just sit down in the stairwell and sleep right there.

Eventually, she made it. She didn’t really remember pulling open the sliding door, nor did she recall setting the bag she carried down. She checked her watch. It was seven-thirty in the morning. It had taken a full hour for her to arrange the surprise she’d intended to leave for Mr. Steele, call her sister and let her know she was unable to attend Christmas dinner, and find a taxi to take her home.

She desperately wanted to crawl into bed, but she knew she had a few more things she needed to accomplish before she did that. As she padded around her loft, she thought about that morning. She hadn’t intended to tell Mr. Steele she loved him. It wasn’t part of the plan – it had simply slipped out in the moment. She had found herself staring into those magnetic blue eyes of his, feeling the pull she always felt when she was near him – like flying too close to the sun.

It wasn’t the first time she’d wanted to tell him how she felt. There had been so many times she had found herself in his arms or on the receiving end of his excruciatingly perfect kisses, and it had been on the tip of her tongue. It wasn’t just their physical relationship she hesitated on. Emotionally, she knew that once those words were said, everything would change. It was why, in the past, when Mr. Steele hesitated on confessing his feelings, there was a small part of her that felt relieved. If he didn’t say it, then they could both pretend that they weren’t falling in love with each other.

But deep down, Laura’s heart had been lost to him for some time. She knew that and had spent the last four years fighting against it with everything she had. But last night, her life had come so sharply into focus when it was threatened, and she didn’t like what she saw. Much like Allison Green, the advertising executive who had used the night’s events as a catalyst for the realisation that she desperately wanted to start a family, Laura saw her life clearly now.

Professionally, she’d never been more successful, but personally, she was lonely. And she was tired of living her life on the defensive. She knew now that if things went wrong with Mr. Steele, her heart would be broken, whether their relationship had become physical or not – whether she told him she loved him or not.

So she decided in the spur of that moment to tell him. The Laura Holt that had lived in the moment years before meeting Mr. Steele had resurfaced. That part of herself she had worked so hard to suppress was now in control. And he was done fighting her. She was surprised at how good it felt to let those words leave her mouth. More surprising was the realisation that she didn’t need to hear him say it back – not yet anyway. She just needed to know she had the courage to tell him how she felt, for better or worse.

And to that end, she had left him sitting there in that van after telling him how she felt without giving him the chance to respond. There would be time enough for that later on that night. She knew he was tired and wanted to give him time to process her revelation. She also wanted some time to herself with the memory of telling him how she felt – a memory that, at the moment, was perfect in its simplicity.

And now she found herself in her loft, thinking about the look on his face after she’d said it and smiling. He would be sleeping right now. And she knew she should be as well, but she found herself unable to do so just yet.

She made herself a cup of tea and allowed herself to sip it, going over the plan in her head and enjoying thoughts of the kiss they had shared in the van. Eventually she could no longer keep her eyes open. Slowly, she peeled off the clothing she still wore from the previous night’s events and burrowed under the covers as sleep took hold of her almost immediately.


	6. Chapter 6

Mr. Steele awoke to the insistent sound of the phone ringing. He sat up and swiped a hand over his face as he looked at the clock near the bed. It was one in the afternoon. Part of him was tempted to pull the phone off the hook and go back to bed, but the rational part of his brain knew that if he slept any longer, he wouldn’t sleep that night, and the last thing he wanted was to find himself with insomnia, by himself late on Christmas night.

He sighed and climbed out of bed, making his way over to the phone, wondering who on Earth could be calling him. Laura and Mildred would be undoubtedly be at their family Christmas’ by now, and although he had a few old contacts that filtered in and out of his life, he didn’t really have anyone close who he called a friend who might call on Christmas Day.

He picked up the phone and tried to keep the sleep from his voice as he said, “Steele here.”

“Boss?” It was Mildred on the other end, which he found a bit surprising. “Oh good, I’m glad you’re awake.”

“Well, I am now, Mildred,” he said pointedly. “Is everything alright? Shouldn’t you be at your Christmas gathering by now?”

“I am,” she told him. “Miss Holt called an hour ago. Apparently, Officer Jones left a file at the office. One of our statements, or something. Miss Holt is too far away, and she hoped maybe you could get it and bring it to the station? If…you’re not doing anything else, that is.”

Mr. Steele hung his head slightly as Mildred spoke. Sadness enveloped him. He was suddenly transported back to that Christmas he had told Laura about in the office the previous night. That same feeling – that same agonising hurt that he’d felt at ten years old pierced him now like a knife. Was that his fate? Was he always doomed to be the outsider looking in?

He thought of that family, sitting around the tree, opening gifts and laughing together. And he thought of Laura at her sister’s house doing the same thing. She hadn’t even been able to call him herself – likely too busy with Christmas festivities. Instead, she had delegated the task to Mildred, certain in the knowledge that he had nothing better to do.

And she was right. Beyond the movies that awaited him, there was nothing pressing for him to do that day. And though it hurt to realise that Laura had made the request explicitly because she knew he would be alone, there was a part of him that was happy to be of some service to her if even a little bit. Especially after what she had said to him that morning.

She’d told him she loved him. She’d said those words to him so casually as if they had always said them to one another. And yet, she hadn’t pushed him to come with her to her family’s Christmas, and she hadn’t personally called him to ask him to retrieve the statement from the office.

Was it because she was embarrassed? Scared? Did she regret what she said to him that morning? Would they pretend it never happened the moment they got back to business as usual?

He shook his head and focused on Mildred. She was still waiting for an answer.

“Tell Miss Holt I’ll take care of it,” he assured her as he hung up. He dressed quickly, choosing a pair of jeans and a cable-knit sweater over his usual suit and tie combination. Though it was still ninety degrees outside, it just felt wrong to wear a t-shirt on Christmas Day.

He'd rested enough that he felt confident in taking the Auburn, not wanting to bother Fred anymore than was necessary. It was a short drive to the office – likely why Laura had asked him to run this errand. It made sense. For all the hurt he felt at not being part of the world on the one day when everyone was supposed to be with the people they loved, he knew that it made the most sense.

Maybe, if he told Laura how he felt they could spend next year together. Perhaps this was the last Christmas he would spend alone. That thought heartened him, and he quickened his stride as he ducked under the police tape and headed into the office, looking on Mildred’s desk to see if the file was there.

When no file was readily visible to him, his gaze drifted to an envelope in the centre of the desk. He was surprised to see it had his name on it in Miss Holt’s handwriting. He picked it up, tore it open, and quickly scanned its contents. It read;

_Mr. Steele,_

_Merry Christmas. I know you said you didn’t want to come to Frances’ this year, but I don’t like the thought of you spending Christmas on your own. Especially not after last night. There’s a ticket in this envelope to the Rialto movie theatre on Sunset. They are showing ‘We’re No Angels’. Humphrey Bogart, Peter Ustinov, and Joan Bennett. Michael Curtiz, Paramount Pictures, 1955. Go and see the movie. Or don’t. But don’t come back to your apartment just yet. Take a couple of hours. When you come back, there will be a surprise waiting for you._

_I meant what I said._

_Laura._

Mr. Steele turned the envelope over, and sure enough, a movie ticket fell out. His heart sped up as he wondered just what she meant when she told him not to return to his apartment for a couple of hours. Did this mean she hadn’t gone to Frances’ after all? What kind of surprise would be waiting for him?

He was tempted to ignore her instructions and return to the apartment right away. But another part of him told him whatever she was planning, it would be worth the wait. Still, he wasn’t sure he could sit calmly through a movie while she was at his apartment planning some sort of surprise for him.

It was then that he realised he hadn’t gotten her a Christmas present. Mildred had been right about one thing – he hadn’t finished his Christmas shopping. But it wasn’t because he was lazy or because he had deliberately left it to the last minute. He’d spent months agonising over what to get Laura – the perfect gift. He had desperately wanted to give her something that told her just how much she meant to him without scaring her off. In the past, he’d been content to give her small pieces of jewellery or clothing – items that were elegant and expensive but ultimately impersonal.

She’d liked them, of course, but this year he wanted to get her something that she loved. He wanted to get her something that spoke to how close they had gotten over the last little while. He wanted to get her something that told her he loved her.

And he hadn’t been able to come up with a single thing. Last night he’d found himself in the office, angry at himself that in his quest for the perfect gift, he hadn’t gotten her anything and was in the process of rushing out the door to just that when the Santas arrived.

And now, this surprise she had planned. Add in the fact that she had told him she loved him that morning, and he knew he couldn’t return to his apartment without some sort of gift. But what? What could he possibly give her that could measure up to everything she had done for him – everything she had given him?

He thought back to what Laura had said about how Christmas had been the one time of year that everyone in her house had gotten along. She had mentioned a type of candy her father had always gotten her. What was it called? Parcels? Parkers? Parlays! That was it!

He would spend the two hours he had looking for a box of Parlays. It wasn’t much, but perhaps it would be enough to show her just how much he cared for her.

That being said, as he left the office and noticed all the ‘closed’ signs on the stores, he knew it would be easier said than done to find a store that was even open on Christmas Day, much less one that sold what he was looking for. Still, he was a man who enjoyed impossible challenges. And he was determined not to let her down this time.


	7. Chapter 7

Laura watched as the Auburn left the parking garage of Mr. Steele’s apartment. Once she was sure he was gone, she grabbed the various packages she had brought with her, rode the elevator up to his floor and picked the lock with relative ease. One of these days, she was going to have to ask Mr. Steele for a key.

Once inside, she set to work readying the apartment for when he eventually returned. If he followed the instructions she left for him at the office, it meant she had about two hours to get his apartment in the Christmas spirit. To that end, she had brought various types of decorations with her and decided to start there.

He didn’t have a Christmas tree, for one. And while there wasn’t enough time to get him a proper tree, she did have a small one that she had forgotten to bring into the office that year for the Christmas party still sitting in her loft. She put that up first and decorated it with a few carefully chosen Christmas bulbs, tinsel, and garland. She’d managed to grab some lights from her loft as well and wrapped them around the tree before plugging them in. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to set the gift she’d purchased for him under.

Once finished, she turned her attention to the rest of the apartment. The fireplace was an easy visual point for placing the garland she had brought, and the wreath fit nicely on the door to his bedroom. She placed a small centrepiece on his table and debated whether or not to put the extra lights she had leftover on the balcony. She eventually decided that it would help complete the festive look and did so, pleased with the effect the blinking lights had.

The apartment looked and felt like a different place with just those small touches. The final piece, however, was yet to come.

Laura reached down into the bag and pulled out numerous sprigs of mistletoe. A thrill of excitement went through her as she set to work strategically placing the mistletoe all over the apartment. She placed a sprig in every doorway, including the kitchen, balcony, and bedroom. She placed one over the couch, in the hallway, the kitchen, and the fireplace. She even placed one in the bedroom just over the bed.

The effect was not subtle, nor was it supposed to be. Laura hoped that one look around the apartment would make her intentions abundantly clear. But, if that didn’t do the trick, surely the outfit she had brought with her to wear when he returned would.

And with no further decorations to put up, that was the only thing that was left to do. She checked her watch and felt her heart turn over slightly as she noticed the time. He would be here soon.

There was no time to dwell on how nervous she was if she wanted to have the intended effect on him. She pulled out her makeup bag, deciding to start there. Although she wasn’t the type of woman to wear a lot of makeup, she knew that a little could often go a long way. She decided on Earth tones for her eye shadow and just a hint of blush. The lipstick was the focal point, and to that end, she went with a deep burgundy designed to get his attention.

She left her hair down as she knew he liked to run his hands through it whenever she allowed a kiss to get slightly carried away. And then came the dress.

Laura had purchased the dress on a whim last year. She remembered seeing it on the rack and, in a rare moment of impulse, tried it on. It was a dress that was far sexier than she normally went for. A slinky, black velvet number that came down to just above the knee and clung so tightly to her it might as well have been painted on. Laura had felt adventurous just by putting it on in the store. But that wasn’t even what made it so daring for her. The front of the dress had a modest neckline, whereas the back of the dress was cut out entirely, dipping all the way down to her lower back. It was the kind of dress you couldn’t wear a bra with and one that flattered Laura’s slim figure to the fullest.

She hadn’t intended to buy it. She’d had a particularly difficult day in the office, full of monotonous paperwork. She hadn’t been seeing Mr. Steele socially at that time, as they were in the midst of avoiding each other romantically due to the agreement they had made in Cannes to keep things professional. With no other dating prospects on the horizon, Laura had started to feel frumpy and stuck in a rut.

Once she had the dress on, however, she couldn’t deny the effect it had had on her self-esteem. She’d felt sexy and strong – something she hadn’t felt in a while. She had been ready to put the dress back and leave the store, when the sale associate had commented that the dress was made for her.

Laura wasn’t usually the kind of person that allowed sales associates to convince her what to buy, but simply hearing another woman tell her that she deserved a dress like that was all she needed. Laura bought the dress and had put it on occasionally when things were uncertain with Mr. Steele as a method of picking herself up.

She hadn’t worn it out in public at all yet. This was its maiden voyage, and Laura couldn’t wait to see the look on Mr. Steele’s face when he saw it on her. It was unlike anything else she owned. Though she expected the dress to get his heart racing, it was the panties she had brought with her that she truly hoped would achieve the intended effect of rendering him speechless.

Bernice had bought them for her years ago as a gag gift, and Laura had stuffed them away, forgetting about them entirely until today. They were the skimpiest of panties, which was helpful as the dress was very tight, with the picture of a small sprig of mistletoe on the front. Once again, a thrill went through her as she pulled the underwear on and shimmied into the dress.

She checked her watch again. Just in time. Mr. Steele should be back any moment. Now all that was left to do was wait.


	8. Chapter 8

Mr. Steele returned to his apartment feeling utterly defeated. Despite his best efforts, his mission to locate a box of Parlays for Laura was unsuccessful. He’d driven around LA desperately searching for a store that was open. In the two hours allotted to him via Miss Holt’s note, he’d only managed to locate two variety stores, both of which were in a rather dodgy area.

The inside of the store had not been much better. He’d wandered through the aisles hoping against hope but had come up empty. The annoyed look on the clerk’s face had caused him to grab the first box of chocolates he could find – some cheap imitation truffles, no doubt using far inferior ingredients – and purchase them, so he didn’t leave the store empty-handed.

Still, as he drove back to the apartment, his heart felt heavy. Laura’s note had hinted at a surprise. He’d not been expecting anything that day and even the mere thought of her taking time away from her family Christmas to do something for him caused him to get more than a little emotional. He wasn’t about to hope that she would actually be there when he returned. No doubt she had perhaps dropped the gift off for him that she had intended to give him at the office Christmas party and gone to her sister’s. If she’d gone to any trouble beyond that, it was all the more special. He had no idea what he would find when he walked through the door, but he did know that whatever it was, Laura had put more effort into it than he had put into his gift to her, and that didn’t sit right with him.

Still, at four in the afternoon on Christmas day, his options were limited. All he could do was return to the apartment and vow to himself that he would take advantage of the after Christmas shopping sales in the hopes of finding her the perfect gift.

He was lost in his own thoughts as he put the key in the door and thus did not register anything out of the ordinary as he walked in and set the box of cheap chocolates down on the coffee table. He sat down on the couch and placed his head in his hands, for a few seconds trying to banish the feeling of failure that seemed to linger despite his best efforts. When he finally lifted his head, he noticed the apartment did not look the same as it had when he'd left.

It was the fireplace he noticed first, followed by the Christmas tree, garland, and the copious amounts of mistletoe hung in various places throughout the apartment. There was a gift under the tree and, as he discovered when he walked over to it, lights across the top of the balcony. Before he could register his reaction, the soft lilt of Laura’s voice from behind alerted him to her presence in the doorway to the kitchen.

“Merry Christmas, Mr. Steele.”

Surprised, he turned around, taking in the image of her in front of him, his brain struggling to process everything all at once.

The sight of her, in an extremely form-fitting black dress, hair cascading gently around her shoulders and artfully applied makeup rendered him speechless. Though he found her beautiful regardless of what she wore or the amount of makeup she had on, he lived for those rare moments in which they were required to attend formal events. He loved seeing her out of the usual office attire, and she always chose dresses and gowns designed to subtly hint or accentuate her already gorgeous features.

There was nothing subtle about the dress she wore tonight. And it was clear from the smile on her face that she understood the effect the dress was intended to have.

And oh, what an effect it had. On any other woman, the dress might border on scandalous. But on her, it managed to somehow look both elegant and incredibly sexy. He’d seen her dress to look fun, flirty, beautiful, and of course, business-like, but sexy was something she generally shied away from, lest it give him the wrong idea.

He suddenly had the feeling this was meant to give him that very idea, and, still unable to speak, his body responded for him.

He shifted slightly to try to hide the effect she was having on him, not wanting his response to come off as crude or vulgar.

“Laura,” he said, once his vocal cords finally returned to clear and working order. “You look…stunning.”

Despite the fact that she was on the other side of the room, he noticed the faint blush that crept up her cheeks. She was nervous. He could see that it had been a long time since she’d played the role of the seductress, and looking at the sheer volume of mistletoe placed around the apartment, there was no doubt in his mind that seducing him was what she planned to do. He swallowed, trying desperately to direct his mind elsewhere as the myriad of possibilities – and positions – ran through his mind.

Laura found herself both intrigued and aroused at the expression on Mr. Steele’s face the moment he saw her. She’d never seen him so completely and utterly speechless before, and it was a powerful feeling to realise she’d had that effect.

She wasn’t the type of woman to be self-conscious – she knew she was attractive. Men had always made that clear to her. But she also knew that her type of ‘attractive’ was very different from the buxom and glamorous women that Mr. Steele tended to date. Enough ex-lovers had crawled out of the woodwork at this point for Laura to know that his past included a lot of tall, leggy, and well-endowed blondes with curves for days.

Laura knew he was attracted to her – Lord knows some of their more heated exchanges had been evidence enough for that. But she also had not fooled herself into thinking she was in the same league as some of his other conquests.

Tonight, however, she knew exactly how it felt to be like those other women. Once he regained his powers of speech – and surreptitiously adjusted his jeans – she found herself the object of his very appreciative, not to mention hungry gaze.

He’d clearly put two and two together where the mistletoe and the outfit were concerned, and she watched with some degree of amusement as he appeared to fight a war within himself as to how to proceed. She didn’t blame him. She was also alternating in the back of her mind between tearing his clothes off right then and there and proceeding with the evening as planned. She decided to go for the latter option fearing that once their bodies came together, they might never leave the bedroom again.

“You like the dress?” She asked, hoping the tremor in her voice didn’t give away just how nervous she really was. He had already made his way towards her as she turned to give him a view of the back of the dress – or lack thereof. She heard a sharp intake of breath as he took it in, and turned back to face him, now only inches away from him.

“My God, Laura,” he breathed, “that dress could kill a man.”

“Well, that certainly wasn’t the intention,” she said as she stood up on her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around him. Instinctively, he pulled her flush against his body, and she could feel his heart beating double time. She looked up and smiled as she realised he was exactly where she wanted him. “It seems we happen to find ourselves underneath the mistletoe.”

He didn’t have a chance to respond as Laura pulled him towards her for a kiss that started out tentative but soon became something very different entirely. Heat filled her entire body as his hands roamed restlessly across the bare flesh of her back. She could feel his desire, though he was doing his best to hide it. Somehow, the idea that he could be aroused and yet restrained was even more of a turn on.

She pulled away, their breathing ragged, before things could get too out of hand.

“Do you like the apartment?” She asked, temporarily changing the subject in an attempt to prevent herself from ripping his clothing off.

“This is incredible,” he said sincerely, looking around once more in awe. “I thought you were supposed to be at your sister’s.”

“I was,” she admitted, “but after everything that happened….I just couldn’t let you be by yourself. Not this year.”

“I’ve been by myself at Christmas before,” he said, trying to ignore the lump forming in his throat as the intention behind the gesture became clear. Earlier that day, she had told him she loved him. She’d gone out of her way to make sure his home looked as seasonal as possible and, to that end, had gone as far as skipping dinner with her family to be with him. Nobody had ever done anything like that for him before. And, if the dress and mistletoe were any indications, she obviously intended for tonight to be a first in other areas of their relationship. He wasn’t sure what he had done to deserve her love, but he was damn grateful for it nonetheless.

“I know,” Laura replied, trying to banish the image of him as a small child watching from the cold outdoors, as others enjoyed Christmas with their families. “And every Christmas you spent alone was one Christmas too many. I want to make up for that. Starting this year, and every year after if you’ll have me.”

“I don’t know what to say,” he said, his voice rough with emotion. “I mean, I’m grateful as hell, but I can’t help but thinking you should be with your family at Christmas.”

“I am,” she replied, kissing him lightly on the lips.

The truth of her words hit home, and he found himself turning away so as to hide the effect they’d had on him. Even if they never consummated their relationship, he knew he could be content with this moment for the rest of his life. He never thought he would be so impacted by a woman, and yet, the sight of Laura freely offering her love without demand or expectation damn near moved him to tears.

And she hadn’t demanded anything from him. He’d always thought that he would be the first person to say those three words, as he knew how much she had expressed the need to hear them. The biggest stumbling block in their relationship for the last four years had been his mysterious past and tendency for wanderlust. His inability to give her any promises or guarantees had caused her to hold back. She had told him, on more than one occasion, that she was afraid of getting lost in him – of feeling too deeply.

And at the beginning, those fears had been valid. Although he’d wanted to give her those promises, he doubted his own ability to keep them, thinking back to all the times he’d become restless and had to leave. But as he spent more time in LA, instead of feeling restless, he felt at peace. Instead of feeling that familiar need to move on, he found himself wanting more than ever to put down roots.

He even found himself thinking of what it might be like to start a family.

And suddenly, he had wanted to tell her how he felt. He wanted to say he loved her, but his pride and her stubbornness seemed to get in the way every time he’d tried. They’d been slowly building their relationship back up after he’d lost the agency’s license, and he’d run off to England in a desperate attempt to find out his real name and prove his feelings to her.

Still, the last thing he’d expected after being held hostage for a night, was for Laura to tell him she loved him. He certainly hadn’t expected her to do this for him. He wanted to tell her everything that was in his heart but found himself at a loss as to where to start.

Thankfully she seemed to sense that and took the lead. Silently, she took his hand and led him over to the small tree she had decorated in the living room.

“Would you like to open your present?” She asked.

Presents! He groaned inwardly as he realised that the only thing he had to give her was that cheap box of chocolates he’d left on the coffee table. His heart sank as he took in the carefully wrapped gift under the tree.

Laura watched the look on Mr. Steele’s face change from contented to distressed. He looked away, clearly unable to look her in the eye, and she wondered what she’d done wrong.

“Mr. Steele?” She said, suddenly nervous that it had all been too much. What if telling him she loved him had been a mistake? She’d thought he felt the same way – was certain of it almost, but what if she’d misread the signs? “Are you alright?”

“I have a confession,” he admitted, his voice heavy with sadness. “I haven’t gotten you a gift. I was on my way out the door to buy one last night when the Santas crashed our party. I’ve been trying for weeks to find the perfect gift for you and haven’t come up with a damn thing good enough. I got it in my head to buy you a box of Parlay’s after what you told me last night, so I drove around the city looking for them. Nothing was open, however, so all I have is that box of cheap chocolate on the couch. I’m sorry.”

“You…” she glanced over at the box of chocolates sitting on the coffee table as she processed his words. “You drove around LA for two hours on Christmas Day trying to find me a box of chocolates?”

“I’m sorry,” he said again with a regretful shake of his head. “I know you must be disappointed.”

“On the contrary,” she told him realising the enormity of what he’d just admitted to her. He’d given her gifts in the past – they’d had three office Christmas parties in which they had exchanged gifts with one another. His gifts were usually expensive and indicative of his exquisite taste but usually shied away from being too emotionally meaningful. A beautiful sweater, a lovely watch, and a gold necklace were gifts he’d purchased for her. She’d been grateful for them, of course, but they had only ever scratched the surface where their relationship was concerned.

And yet, here he was, admitting that, for the first time, he didn’t have a gift for her because he couldn’t find anything that would adequately express how he felt about her. He could have gotten her another watch, necklace, or sweater, but he knew that it wasn’t enough to get something lovely but emotionally empty.

And that knowledge alone was worth more than anything he could buy her.

She picked up the box of chocolates and placed them underneath the tree.

“You’ve already given me the perfect gift,” she told him. “Last night…and today.”

“I have?” His confusion was almost sweet, and Laura found herself giving him a light kiss on the cheek.

“Open this,” she said, handing him the gift she’d selected for him. He took it and wordlessly tore off the paper. Inside was a packet of hot chocolate and popcorn, as well as, a gift certificate in an usually large amount for the local theatre near his apartment. He gave her a curious look, and Laura filled in the blanks.

“The hot chocolate and popcorn are for the nights we’ll spend here watching movies. The gift certificate should be enough to cover a year’s worth of dates to the cinema.”

“Any idea who my date will be?” Mr. Steele asked, his blue eyes twinkling mischievously. Laura grinned as well.

“You tell me,” she teased, moving closer towards him. Their lips met again in a slow and excruciatingly tender kiss.

Eventually, he pulled back and cleared his throat, overcome with emotion, not just because of Laura’s thoughtful gift, but by the fact that she didn’t seem bothered by his lack of one for her. He’d gotten so used to dating women who expected extravagance and luxury that he hadn’t realised how refreshing it could be to have a woman who just wanted to spend time with him curled up on the couch with hot chocolate and some popcorn.

“Thank you,” he said, his voice gruff. “But I must admit I feel rather at a loss, here. You’ve gone and decorated my apartment, given me this wonderfully thoughtful gift, and you look…incredible. And then this morning…”

She looked at him for a moment, as if coming to some sort of decision, and then took his hand in hers.

“This morning, I told you I love you,” she interrupted. He looked at her in surprise – as if he hadn’t expected her to remind him of it, much less say it again. She smiled. “You don’t need to say anything. Just listen. Last night, you got hold of the agency gun, with no bullets in it, and went face to face with the man who held us hostage. I watched as that man pointed a loaded gun at your head and threatened to kill you. I’ve never been so scared in my life. Seeing you standing there, knowing that Dancer wouldn’t hesitate to kill you…” She shook her head and shuddered as the memory came over her.

“It’s alright,” he murmured, struck by how scared she’d been for him. “I’m here.”

“Yes,” she replied with a shaky laugh. “But you almost weren’t. He would have killed you. He wanted to kill you. You know that, and so do I. And if you had any bullets in that gun, I think you would have taken the chance. I could have lost you.”

“But you didn’t,” he insisted, realising that now was not the time to admit to her that she was right about what he would have done had the gun been loaded. “We’re safe. I’m safe. There’s nothing to be scared of.”

“That’s just it!” She exclaimed, “After the entire ordeal ended, I realised something. I realised that as scared as I was when Dancer pointed that gun at you, I was far more frightened of the idea that you might have died without ever knowing how I felt about you. And I’m tired. I’m tired of waiting for the perfect moment in which we tell each other how we feel. I’m tired of waiting for some magical words to give me permission to live my life. Aren’t you tired?”

“Bloody exhausted,” he breathed, reaching for her and crushing his lips to hers in a rough, almost punishing kiss. She returned the kiss with an equal degree of urgency, pressing her body against his as she wound her hands through his thick dark hair. His body responded immediately, and this time, he didn’t try to hide it. It felt like the ordeal from the previous night had been brought into sharp focus, and all that he had almost lost was right in front of him. He’d be damned if he was going to let her go. Reluctantly, they separated, both of them struggling to regain their breath. “Laura…I want…I want to tell you…”

“Don’t,” she said, silencing him with another tantalising kiss. “Don’t tell me. Show me.”


	9. Chapter 9

She seemed to fit perfectly against his body – as if the two were tailor made for each other. She brought every single one of his senses to life, and he struggled to maintain control of himself as the kiss spiralled wildly out of control. She’d never felt so alive in his arms. It was as if her body vibrated with excitement. The faint scent of her perfume grew stronger as she lightly kissed his neck, and his hands had already started to wander down her bare back towards her buttocks.

It had been so long – too long since he’d been with anybody. He knew it was the same for her and thus fought desperately to maintain some semblance of composure even though all he really wanted to do was pull up her dress and bury himself deep inside her.

But that was not what he wanted their first time to be like. No, they had waited far too long for this.

And so, with every ounce of self-control that he possessed, he pulled away. Her face was flushed with arousal, and her eyes bright with desire.

“Why did you stop?” She said through shallow breaths.

“Because I want this to last,” he told her, his own voice husky with need. “And if you continued to kiss me like that…” he trailed off and swallowed, unable to complete the sentence.

It had the desired effect, however, and Laura felt a thrill run through her as she realised the war he was fighting with himself. She was fighting the same war. She had planned this night to go a certain way. She’d thought they would start with dinner and had had the foresight to order Chinese food to be delivered at seven. She’d intended for the two of them to open gifts, to curl up together and maybe kiss on the couch a bit beforehand. After dinner, she had planned to take him into the bedroom where they would slowly make love at long last.

The seduction of it had been on her mind all day. And yet, after just one kiss, all she could think about was how good he would feel buried deep inside her and how little sense it suddenly made to wait.

And yet, he wanted it to last. After four long years of waiting, he wanted them to take their time. And she realised so did she. She was seeing a new side of him – one that she found profoundly arousing.

In the past, whenever they had kissed, he’d done his level best to hide his desire for her. Even if she noticed, she pretended not to. It was their way of maintaining the physical barrier she’d put in place from the beginning.

But now, he made no effort to hide. Nor did he make any effort to disguise just how difficult it was for him to pull back. He wanted her. One look at the prominent bulge in his jeans told her just how much he wanted her. And yet, he restrained himself.

“You’re right,” she murmured breathlessly, unable to tear her eyes away from his very obvious arousal. “We have time. And I had plans for tonight.”

“Did you, indeed?” He said with a curious eyebrow raised. “Was it your plan to torture me with this dress? Because it’s working.”

“This old thing? This is the first time I’ve worn it.” She said with feigned innocence. “Been in my closet for a year.” That much was true. “If you really like it, I could always wear it to next year’s office Christmas party.”

“Good lord, no,” he said, his voice slightly strangled. “I can barely keep my hands off you right now as it is. You wear that out in public, and I might end up getting arrested for public indecency.”

“Really, Mr. Steele,” she teased, feeling the heat between her legs intensify as he told her how much he wanted her. “Is that any way for a grown man to behave?” As if to torment him further, she took his hand, turned around, giving him a back view of the dress once more, and lead him towards the sprig of mistletoe above the kitchen door.

“You’re determined to kill me, aren’t you?” he asked as she brushed her body tantalisingly against his. Slowly, carefully, she pulled at the bottom of his sweater, urging him to remove it. Then, as he pulled it over his head, she placed soft, feather-light kisses all over his chest, starting at his torso and moving upwards. She heard a soft hiss as her lips touched his flesh and smiled as he gripped the side of the wall in order to keep himself upright.

“Kill you?” She murmured softly against his body. “No. But I also don’t want this mistletoe to go to waste. That’s why I plan on kissing you somewhere on your body under every single one.”

Quickly, he glanced around and made a mental count of just how many sprigs of mistletoe there were planted around the apartment. He groaned aloud as her lips reached his collar bone, and his erection pressed insistently against the confines of his jeans. She was going to kill him. But what a way to go!

“Don’t try to count them,” Laura said, figuring out what he was trying to do. “You can’t see them all.”

“Oh?” he ground out as she turned and headed towards the sprig she’d planted just above the door to the hallway. “I take it you have more hidden away somewhere?”

“You’re very perceptive,” she told him as she pressed him up against the doorway and ran her teeth over his neck. “Somewhere on my body, there’s an image of mistletoe. It will be your job to find it.”

Dear God, was it possible to come from kissing alone? Quickly he conjured a host of images in his head that he’d used of the last four years to calm himself when things got too heated between them. In doing so, his mind processed what she’d just said. She wasn’t wearing a bra. That much was painfully clear. So that meant that whatever panties she had on….

“And I’m to kiss you in whatever location you’ve hidden this mistletoe?” he clarified, feeling the need to take back some of the control in this situation.

“Mmm hmmm,” she hummed breathlessly as her hands made their way down his chest and to the belt buckle of his jeans. He reached out and stopped her hands.

“Ahh, ahh,” he said, looking towards the bedroom door. “Time to relocate. I believe you’ve already kissed me here.”

As they made their way towards the bedroom door, Mr. Steele took deep breaths and conjured up a few more images designed to quell his desire. She had the upper hand ever since he’d walked through the door. Turnabout was fair play and she had been driving him crazy since he’d first laid eyes on her. Time for a taste of her own medicine.

Before she could say anything, he took both her hands and pressed her up against the door. The wreath she’d taped there early jostled slightly and fell to the ground. Her eyes widened, but she didn’t protest as he claimed her lips in a deeply sensual kiss. It had the desired effect, as did the way he ground his erection against her. She moaned at the feel of him, and he, once again, found himself reciting the alphabet in his head.

He continued the onslaught of her body by trailing kisses lightly down her neck while his hands ran up the length of her thighs, pulling her dress up with them. He felt her legs part slightly, and he pressed his arousal into the vee of her thighs.

“Please,” she whispered against his neck. It was all the encouragement he needed as he lightly ran his hands over the very tiny panties she wore underneath, teasing her sex with his fingertips. His mind was hazy with desire, and he knew if he didn’t pull away soon, he would take her then and there.

His body protested loudly as he stepped back. He swallowed heavily as he took in the sight of her. Her hair was a mess, her face flushed, and her lipstick smeared. Her dress now sat above her waist, giving him the perfect view of her barely-there panties.

And on the front of those panties was a picture of mistletoe. A slightly darker patch where the mistletoe was positioned told him just how wet she was. He felt himself twitch in anticipation and resisted the urge to rip them off her. She was flushed, dishevelled, and absolutely gorgeous.

“Penny for your thoughts,” she murmured.

“God, you’re beautiful,” he said, his voice ragged with need. He didn’t know much more of this teasing he could take.

“You’re not so bad yourself,” she returned, her gaze dropping to below his waist as she bit her lip. “Now, I believe there are still two more pieces of mistletoe.”

“I can see one,” he said, knowing immediately what he intended to do with her. “But where’s the other?”

“The bed,” she replied, reaching once more for his belt buckle. This time he let her, needing to feel at least some degree of relief. In a moment, his jeans dropped to the floor, and though he still strained against his boxer briefs, it wasn’t nearly as torturous as those jeans had been. He gasped in pleasure as she ran her hands over his erection and squeezed him lightly through the fabric of the boxers.

“Ahh ahh, love,” he said, removing her hand before he lost control completely. The look on her face told him the use of the endearment had had the intended effect. “I still have yet to kiss you under the mistletoe.”

He didn’t wait for her to respond. Instead, he knelt down to the floor and hooked his fingers under the fabric of her panties, sliding them down slowly over her legs and to the floor. She was everything he’d pictured in his wildest fantasies. He could see her arousal glistening on the neatly groomed hairs that covered her sex. Instinctively, he reached out, parted her legs, and buried his face against her clit, stroking it with his tongue in long, even motions.

She moaned loudly and buckled slightly. He felt her grip his shoulders as she fought to keep herself upright.

“Yes,” she hissed as he continued his ministrations. “Oh please, yes.” He could feel her thighs trembling as her grip on his shoulders tightened. She was getting close. He could tell by the way her breathing grew more and more rapid. She was pleading with him now, begging him to continue, and his body responded in kind. He never thought he could be so aroused by giving someone else pleasure, yet every moan and whimper that she made seemed to go straight to his groin.

Eventually, he could feel her legs tense and her muscles contract, her body spasming against his mouth as he continued to lick her as she came down.

When she regained the ability to speak, she slumped down to the floor where he still knelt in front of her, his lips slick with her juices and his own body crying out for the same release that he’d just given her.

“That was…” she trailed off, unable to put into words how his ministrations had made her feel. Never in her wildest dreams had she anticipated that being with him would be like this. Sex with Wilson had been a serious affair. Neither of them would speak during the act, each lost in their own pursuits of release. Wilson hadn’t really been one to perform oral sex on her either. His idea of foreplay had been limited and as a result, so had her expectations.

She hadn’t realised that sex could be this…fun. With him, she could smile, they could tease one another. Their office banter easily translated into their physical activities, and Laura had never felt so alive.

As her senses returned to her, she took in the man in front of her and realised that while she’d had her release, the tightness of his jaw and the still very prominent erection visible underneath his boxer-briefs told her he was still very aroused – and very uncomfortable.

Leaning forward, she kissed him – a slow tantalising kiss meant to tease him. When she pulled back, he reached out and gripped her shoulders tightly. His blue eyes seemed even bluer in his hyper-aroused state, and the look in them caused the heat to pool between her legs once more.

“Something wrong, Mr. Steele?” She croaked, suddenly finding it difficult to talk as she looked into his eyes.

“Very,” he replied tightly. “Mainly the fact that I’m going to expire here on this floor if I’m not inside you very soon.”

The heat that had begun to grow between her legs fanned into full flames once more as he crushed her lips to hers in a powerful kiss meant to show her just how much he wanted her. It was enough.

“Bedroom,” she panted through desperate and passionate kisses.


	10. Chapter 10

All finesse seemed to fly out the window as the two of them fumbled for the door and stumbled backwards into his room. Neither one of them seemed to want to come up for air, so addicted were they to one another. Despite his how turned on they both were, she marvelled at the slow and almost methodical way his tongue seemed to tease hers as he kissed her.

Other men seemed to lose all ability to kiss once their blood pooled entirely in their groin. She’d known men who seemed to think the hoover technique was a turn on and yet somehow, the more aroused he got, the more his kisses sent all the right jolts to all the right places.

He seemed driven – his every action determined by need and near desperation. As they reached the edge of the bed, she gasped as he teased her, running his hands over her shoulders and the fabric of the dress that covered her breasts, causing her nipples to harden almost immediately. He smirked and palmed her breast – dress and all.

It was incredible and, at the same time, not nearly enough. She wanted to feel the warmth of his hands on her bare skin. This dress – something that had earlier made her feel sexy and powerful – now felt like an irritating burden, keeping him from where she desperately needed him to be.

“Please,” she heard herself pleading, unable to keep the edge of desperation out of her voice. How on Earth was he still in control? One look into those fathomless blue eyes, and she knew that control was an illusion. He was barely hanging on, and somehow, that made her feel even more powerful.

“What is it you would like me to do, love?” He asked, his voice gruff with emotion. It was an odd question. One look at her, standing next to his bed, flushed and trembling with need, should make it fairly obvious what she wanted. And yet, the fact that he had asked, coupled with the way he fought to maintain control throughout this entire process, told her one thing – he wanted her to be sure.

After everything they’d been through over the last four years, Laura understood that it might seem odd for those reservations to seemingly disappear overnight. There was likely a small part of him – perhaps not even a conscious one that feared she might change her mind, and thus, he wanted her to be the one to ask him – to tell him what she wanted.

Allowing her the freedom to back out if she wanted to.

It was an incredible feeling to know that he loved her that much. As far as they’d gone, and as much as he clearly wanted her, all she needed was to say the word, and he would stop. It made her feel simultaneously safe and terrified. This was the real thing – that feeling that she’d waited her entire life for. And he’d given her all the power she needed to back away. It only made her want him even more.

“I want you to undress me,” she told him, her voice trembling ever so slightly. “And make love to me.”

“With you,” he corrected, his gaze never leaving hers. Her breath caught at the sight of him.

“With me,” she whispered. As if needing no further encouragement, he gestured for her to turn around, unclasped the top of the dress, and gently, tenderly pulled until it fell to the floor. Her skin felt cold once exposed, and, back turned, she shivered ever so slightly.

“Are you alright?” He asked, his voice a soft murmur next to her ear. His arms circled around her and held her hands, and she felt the point of his erection pressing insistently against her bare bottom. He still had his boxer-briefs on.

“Yes,” she breathed as he planted feather-light kisses all over her neck and shoulders. She had never imagined he would feel so warm, so strong, and yet somehow so incredibly tender. His hands rubbed her shoulders ever so slowly as if to warm her. It only caused her to grow wetter as he focused yet another kiss on the nape of her neck. “Yes, please…”

She turned and brought his lips to hers, needing to taste him once more. He complied eagerly, and she found her hands embarking on their own exploration as they moved over his chest and down to the waist of his boxer-briefs.

A sharp intake of breath told her she had reached the right spot.

“Is this where you want me to touch you?” She asked, her voice sounding foreign to her own ears as she ran her hands over the bulge in his underwear once more.

“Laaauuuraaa,” he groaned as her hand made contact. “You’re killing me here.”

“Mmmm, well, we don’t want that, do we?” She asked with a small smile. She decided turnabout was fair play and slowly removed his boxer-briefs, kneeling down in front of him as she did so.

He was magnificent to look at. His erection jutted out proudly from the base of his torso. Laura found herself biting her lip once more in anticipation of what that might feel like moving deeply inside her.

But for now, she desperately wanted to taste him the way he’d tasted her earlier. To that end, she ran her hands over him, delighting in the insistent way he twitched and responded to her touch. She kissed around his torso, deliberately avoiding the place he wanted most. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see his hands were balled into tight fists, and she knew she was having a profound effect on him.

Finally, as if to put him out of his misery, she took him inside her mouth. He gasped loudly as she did so and swore under his breath repeatedly as she took him in and out with slow, even strokes.

His breathing became more shallow and erratic with every passing second. She could see him fighting to stay in control and debated whether or not she wanted to have him come apart in her mouth – so intensely did he seem to be enjoying her ministrations.

He made the decision for her, however, when he placed a steadying hand on her shoulder and uttered in a low, guttural voice, “I can’t hang on.”

She stopped and pulled back, feeling both proud and hungry for him. When their eyes met yet again, he smiled apologetically.

“That was incredible,” he told her, “and if this wasn’t our first time, I would have let you keep going, but…”

He didn’t need to finish the rest of the sentence. She knew what he meant. As much as he wanted physical release, it wasn’t enough for him. He wanted her to be right there with him. It was just like him to show her – rather than tell her – how he felt.

“I understand,” she assured him.

They were silent for a moment, and Laura realised that for the first time, he was looking at her, really looking at her. It felt almost as if he was trying to take a mental photograph in his mind – something still and unchanging. She felt slightly self-conscious – so intent was his gaze.

“I know I’m not what you’re used to,” she said, unsure of what else to say when it came to her naked body. She knew the aspects that were attractive, as well as the parts she wished she could change. She had a modest chest, nothing to write home about, but decent curves and petite frame. Men had often admired her, but the look he was giving her went beyond mere admiration. It was almost reverent, and she wasn’t sure she was worthy of such a look.

“You are the single, most gorgeous creature I’ve ever seen,” he told her, and the hunger in his voice told her he meant it. “My God, don’t know you know how beautiful you are?’

She did. When he looked at her that way, she felt like Cleopatra and Helen of Troy all rolled into one.

“Touch me,” she demanded, feeling bold and sexy. His eyes darkened, and she knew she didn’t need to tell him twice. In a move mirroring what he’d done only moments ago with her dress still on, he palmed her breast, touching it, rolling his thumb gently over her nipples, and capturing her mouth in yet another breathtaking kiss.

Deftly, he manoeuvred her onto the bed and kissed his way down her body. She cried out and arched right off the bed as his lips and tongue grazed the flesh of her breast and the nipple. It was too much. She tugged desperately at his back. The ache between her legs had become too powerful to ignore.

“I need you,” she murmured through dazed and frantic kisses. “Inside me. Please, I need you.”

When he didn’t move, she squirmed restlessly underneath him, desperate to have the feeling between her legs satisfied. He’d developed an odd look on his face all of a sudden, and she worried he might be having second thoughts.

“Everything okay?” She asked, feeling slightly embarrassed and unsure. “You haven’t…changed your mind, have you?”

“God no,” he said, his voice gruff with wanting. “I just…I just realised I don’t have a condom. I didn’t think…well, it’s been a while and…”

“It’s okay,” she breathed, feeling relieved. “I’ve been on the pill for a year.”

She didn’t need to say anything else. Swiftly, he positioned himself between her legs, and she felt herself opening up to him, as if her body was an entity completely separate from her brain. She could feel the tip of him at her centre and tugged desperately at his buttocks, needing him to move.

Slowly, as if to compensate for any tightness she might experience from her prolonged period of abstinence, he eased himself inside her. She gasped out loud as he filled her. He was thick and full, and every single nerve inside her seemed to come alive all at once.

She was a bit sore – that much was inevitable, and so once fully inside, he paused.

“Whenever you’re ready,” he said, brushing a strand of hair tenderly away from her face. Slowly, the slight discomfort transformed itself to driving need, and she felt her hips begin to push up against his hardness.

“I’m ready,” she told him. He kissed her once more and began to thrust. He was slow at first, listening to her murmurs, whimpers, and moans. Then, as her moans became louder, his thrusts became faster. She found herself clutching his buttocks, begging him to go deeper.

His own breathing was rapid and laboured, and the look in his eyes told her that he was fast losing the ability to control his movements.

She urged him on verbally, and he responded in kind. She thrust her hips up to meet him and gasped her pleasure when she felt him hit just the right spot.

She could feel her climax growing and lifted her hips, desperate to take him as deeply and as completely as she could. His thrusts grew more and more frantic, and he was murmuring something almost so quietly she could hardly make out what he was saying.

“Perfect,” he seemed to be chanting as he grew more and more desperate, “so perfect.”

“I’m close,” she told him, pulling at his hips, needing to feel him.

“Then come with me, love,” he breathed. She needed no further encouragement. The tension had built to the point of no return. She held on tightly as she felt her orgasm overtake her. He rode the wave with her – coming to his own physical release in tandem.

They came down together, holding onto one another, like two people clinging to a life raft. Laura placed his head gently on her breast and stroked his hair as they both recovered from the intensity of their lovemaking.

Finally, after moments of quiet, she heard his voice – soft and almost timid.

“I love you,” he said. Such a simple thing, and yet she knew it carried a world of meaning inside those three words.

“I know,” she replied.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While technically this is the final chapter, there IS an epilogue coming. Even though it says 'the end', stay tuned for one more chapter!

In the aftermath of their lovemaking, Laura found herself cocooned in the warmth of Mr. Steele’s arms, the covers of his duvet encircling both of them like a protective shield. Their bodies were entwined so tightly that she wasn’t totally sure where she ended, and he began. Time seemed to have no meaning, and Laura, for once, was happy to just be in the moment.

Neither of them seemed inclined to talk, and that suited Laura just fine. Despite years of verbally dancing around each other, both of them seemed more than content to finally just be still. She lay there, letting her other senses take over and marvelling at how incredible his body could feel nestled against hers, and enjoying the slightly ticklish feeling caused when he ran his fingers lightly over her shoulders.

He'd been caressing her as they lay there, kissing the top of her head every now and then with quiet reverence. Laura had expected many things to happen after they first made love, but this was not one those things. When he first propositioned her, she assumed he was the kind of man who was an accomplished lover but not likely to stick around afterwards.

As they’d gotten to know each other, that impression had changed. She wouldn’t deny the fact that she had devoted many hours, when she should have been working, to imagining what he would be like in the bedroom.

He was absolutely nothing like she’d imagined he would be. And she couldn’t be happier to have been wrong. She had a feeling they could spend a lifetime exploring each other’s bodies without it ever getting stale. He had seemed more than content to go where the moment took them, and that had made all the difference. With Wilson, things had gotten boring very quickly. He’d stuck to the same few moves and positions without ever wanting to try anything different. Eventually, the intimacy disappeared, and sex with him had felt automatic and mechanical.

With Mr. Steele, it had felt like both of them came to life with each other. They responded to each other’s needs, listened to each other’s bodies, and weren’t afraid to tease one another. She just hoped he felt the same way about it as she did. While she’d never asked him for a detailed sexual history, she knew his past was full of willing and wild women. And while she knew that what they had just shared together went far beyond a meaningless one-night stand, she couldn’t help the slight niggle of worry that asked whether it had been as powerful for him as it had been for her.

Her thoughts were interrupted as she felt him shift underneath her. She sat up as he moved his arm away and gave her an apologetic smile.

“My arm is asleep,” he told her, sitting up as well. He shoved some pillows behind his back, and Laura fought the urge to remove the blanket that covered his lap. For some reason, now that they’d finally been together, Laura wanted nothing more than to look at him, so in awe she was of his beauty. And he was beautiful. She’d always known he was handsome, but there was something truly uninhibited about him now – a newness to him she was just discovering that went beyond clothing.

She wanted to run her hands over him, to touch all those parts of him she had been too afraid to in the past.

He looked at her and made a gesture towards her, urging him to curl back up in his arms. She did so without complaint and gently placed her hand on his upper thigh underneath the blanket.

“Careful Laura,” he drawled with a knowing smile on his face. “Some body parts of mine appear to have a mind of their own when you’re around.”

“Hmm,” she said, rubbing light circles over his upper thigh as she kissed him gently on the lips. “Maybe they just have good taste.”

“The best,” he murmured as he leaned in for another deep and powerful kiss. Laura felt her body begin to awaken once more as their tongues met. He groaned softly at the depth of the kiss, and she felt the tell-tale signs as she ran her hands over him of his own renewed interest.

She was driving him crazy. Totally, and completely crazy. Every now and then, he felt the urge to pinch himself to prove he wasn’t dreaming. Last night he’d been afraid he wouldn’t live to see Christmas Day, and now, he found himself in bed with a naked Laura Holt in his arms, awakening his body in ways he didn’t even think possible after what had happened only half an hour prior.

She’d been everything he ever imagined she would be and more. She’d been passionate, playful, and, unlike his numerous other conquests, she’d been present. He’d never experienced such an intense emotional connection with a woman before. He’d never realised that sex could be anything beyond two people taking pleasure in one another and finding physical release.

But it had been about far more than simply physical pleasure. Making love hadn’t just been an act. It had been a language. Their bodies had spoken to each other. Through every touch, kiss, and caress, Steele felt himself communicating everything he’d always wanted to and more. It had been beyond powerful.

She pulled away from him and leaned her head gently against his shoulder. He was fully erect now but in no hurry to actually do anything about it. Somehow just sitting here with her was more than enough for the moment. After all, they had all the time in the world – something he only now finally understood.

“I’ll tell you one thing,” she said as she lightly teased him with her fingertips. “This is much better than having to eat the same dry turkey Frances cooks every year.”

“No second thoughts, then?” He asked, only half kidding. He knew how important family was supposed to be at Christmas. That Laura would choose to be here with him still baffled him.

“None,” she assured him. “That was…I mean…I’ve never felt so alive….especially when you…”

He looked down and could see the blush that covered her cheeks as she tried to describe the effect their lovemaking had had on her. He didn’t blame her. If pressed, he wasn’t sure he could put the effect into words either.

“It was perfect,” he agreed. “I’ve never felt like that with anyone.”

“Really?” Laura sounded slightly surprised. When she saw the look on his face, she continued, “I just mean…you’ve been with a lot of women and…”

“And none of them could hold a candle to you,” he said softly. “I’d never realised just how meaningless those encounters were until you touched me…kissed me…put your lips on me. It was….” He shook his head and looked away. Laura was surprised to see that he appeared to be self-conscious and unsure of himself.

Lifting her hand, she touched the side of his cheek and turned him back to face her.

“It’s okay,” she told him. “You can tell me.”

“You remember that story I told you last night?”

“About the Christmas you spent on the street?” She asked, trying to keep her voice level so as not to betray the anger she felt at the thought of him not only having to go through that but having that memory be one of his primary memories of Christmas.

“I think I understand now,” he said, trying to arrange his words in a way that would convey to Laura exactly how she’d made him feel. The words felt clumsy and inadequate on his tongue, but he was determined to try anyway. He needed her to know.

“What do you understand?” She questioned, gently caressing the side of his face, allowing herself to truly appreciate every line and crease.

“What it feels like to have what that family had,” he said, his voice hoarse with emotion. “The love, the togetherness…the belonging. As trite as it sounds, it really did have nothing to do with the tree, the gifts, or the meal, did it? I found it…all of it, in you. Right here in this room.”

Laura looked at him, speechless at his confession. She’d never dreamed he could feel so deeply for her. It was a heavy responsibility to realise just how much he loved her – just how much he needed her. Before she could form any sort of response to his confession, he laughed softly and kissed her gently on the forehead.

“I just wish I had something to give to you beyond those horrid chocolates in the living room.”

“I still can’t believe you drove around trying to find me Parlays on Christmas day,” She murmured, touched by his thoughtfulness. “I feel like I should tell you though, in the interest of saving your sanity, that they don’t make Parlays anymore.”

“You’re kidding, right?” He exclaimed, first in mild irritation, then amusement. They both laughed. “Well, then, I freely admit defeat. You are officially impossible to buy for, Miss Holt.”

“There is one thing you can give me,” Laura said, slightly hesitant. Despite the progress they’d made, she worried that making any plans for the future might still be a delicate and fragile thing. Still, she was determined to try.

“Anything,” he promised.

“I want Christmas with you. Every year for as long as we’re together – however long that may be.” She looked him boldly in the eye as she spoke. Promises and guarantees were never something he liked to give. She understood why. Living a nomadic life such as he had, made it difficult to predict where one might be from one moment to the next. She knew that his inability to give those promises was because he feared his own ability to keep them, and yet, she knew that if this relationship was to make it, they needed to establish some sort of foundation. “We can stay in, go to my sister’s or some combination, but I don’t want you spending Christmas alone. Not anymore.”

“That sounds more like a gift for me than for you,” he told her, humbled and awed that the only thing she would want from him was his company. It was a gift he would gladly give and more.

“For both of us then,” she said. “Last night, I almost lost you. I think it takes something like that to make a person realise what really matters.”

“I agree,” he replied. Then, with a somewhat mischievous smile, “in that case, I have my own request.”

“Oh?” Laura retorted, trying to ignore the way it made her feel when he placed his hand on the flat of her stomach and started trailing lazy circles. “What’s that?”

“That thing we did a few minutes ago? Let’s make sure we do that every Christmas.” He punctuated his words with a delicate kiss to her neck, then continued to speak, his words a delicious rumble on her skin. “And New Years. And Boxing Day…”

“What’s Boxing Day?” She asked breathlessly as he returned his lips to hers in a slow, torturous kiss.

“I’ll tell you tomorrow,” he breathed as he pulled her into his lap and moved his hands slowly, tantalisingly, down her body.

Laura moaned softly as he did so. She was so caught up in the way he was making her feel that she almost missed the sound of Mr. Steele’s buzzer ringing insistently.

Reluctantly, she pulled away. It took him a moment or so before he noticed it as well.

“Who on Earth could that be?” He grumbled. She checked her watch and realised that they had both completely lost track of the time.

“That….would be the Chinese food I ordered,” Laura said ruefully. “It’s not a big turkey dinner, but I figured we should have something beyond noodle soup for Christmas.”

“Does this mean we have to leave the bed?” He asked. Laura chuckled, and the buzzing continued.

“We probably should,” she replied regretfully. Then looking down at the still very prominent physical evidence of what they had just been doing moments ago, said, “I’ll get the door. You set the table.”

She stood up and quickly threw on one of his dressing robes. Before she could answer the door, he pulled her in for one more exploratory kiss.

“To be continued, Miss Holt?”

“Always, Mr. Steele.”

THE END


	12. Epilogue

The bedroom was dark and quiet. Mr. Steele ran a hand over his face, as he found himself awakening from a deep sleep. As he regained consciousness, he glanced at the clock on the bedside table. It was three in the morning.

A few more seconds passed before he realised that something was amiss. He remembered now that he and Laura had fallen asleep after way too much Chinese food and an evening in which they had done nothing but explore each other – body, mind, and soul. It had been one of the best days of his life, made better by the fact that she’d packed an overnight bag – fully intending on spending the night with him. He ran his hands across the other side of the bed as if trying to call Laura’s physical presence to his side out of the ether. But she wasn’t there.

Fleetingly, he wondered if he’d dreamed the entire day. But a rustling sound that came from the living room told him that it had not been a dream, and that Laura was still here. 

He smiled as he climbed out of bed, threw on a pair of silk pyjama bottoms, and padded into the living room.

Laura gasped in surprise as he switched on the light by his bedroom door. His heart lurched ever so slightly as he took in the sight of her sitting there on his couch in the middle of the night, tousled from sleep and more beautiful than ever. She was wearing a peach satin negligée. Her skin seemed to glow under the dim light of the lamp and moonlight from his window, her hair falling loosely over her shoulders. In an instant it seemed as if she had always been there. As if she belonged there. A lifetime’s worth of nights just like this flickered through his mind. A lifetime. It felt good to think about.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“I couldn’t sleep,” she told him sheepishly. “Got up to get a snack, and…”

She trailed off as he moved closer to her. By the time he got to the couch, he noticed just what exactly she had been doing.

The box of cheap chocolates he’d purchased from the variety store lay on the coffee table. Not only had they been opened, but it appeared that except for one small piece of chocolate in the corner, they’d been completely devoured. Upon closer inspection, Mr. Steele noticed a small bit of chocolate on the corner of her lips – evidence of her clandestine three AM snack.

“I see you enjoyed the chocolates,” he said, his tone heavy with amusement. She blushed – something he noticed even in the darkness – and looked at him defensively.

“They were just left out here, and I was hungry….”

“Were you?” He teased as he leaned in and kissed her slowly, making sure he licked a bit of the chocolate from the corner of her lips. When he pulled away, the tension in the room was electric with possibility. “You missed a bit.”

Laura felt as if the air had been suddenly sucked out of the room. She was embarrassed that he’d found her in his living room indulging in her chocolate addiction. And as he’d told her earlier, the chocolates truly were terrible, and yet she couldn’t seem to resist them.

But seeing him – his blue eyes even bluer in the darkness, his lips full and inviting and his hair oh-so-ruffled and unkempt from sleep – caused a new addiction to take hold. She ran her eyes over him, marvelling at how natural it felt to be here in the stillness of the early morning hours. It felt like they were the only two people in the world and Laura couldn’t help feeling breathless at the image he presented. He was shirtless, and his pyjama pants had sat low on his torso when he’d walked over to her. Involuntarily she found herself licking her lips as she remembered what was underneath them.

Suddenly she had no appetite for chocolate.

“I’m…sorry I woke you,” she said, feeling very silly.

“I’m sorry I woke up alone,” he replied, pointedly, looking suddenly very much awake. She was acutely aware of the presence of his body in the darkness and the way he looked at her – a heated look filled with intention. Would she ever tire of seeing that look? She sincerely hoped not.

“Do you...” she swallowed heavily, feeling as if her voice was stolen away every time he fixed those eyes on her. “Do you want to go back to bed?”

“I always want to go to bed with you,” he said, drawing the words out slowly as if enjoying the fact that he could finally say them without fear of scaring her away. “Probably not a good idea to leave those chocolates unfinished, though. There’s one left.”

Laura smiled at him, reached into the box, and pulled out the last square of chocolate.

“Open up,” she said, surprised at how husky her voice sounded. He did so, and she fed him the chocolate, feeling a shiver run through her entire body as his lips closed over her fingers. She watched, mesmerised as he chewed the chocolate, then in surprise as he scrunched his nose up in disgust.

“Good lord, those really are terrible, aren’t they?” He said as he stood up and retrieved a paper towel from the kitchen. He re-entered the living room, dabbing it lightly on his lips. “How on Earth did you eat the entire box?”

She shrugged, and gave an embarrassed laugh.

“What can I say? I’ve never met a chocolate I didn’t like.”

“Well, first thing tomorrow, I’ll go out and get you some better chocolate,” he grumbled. Then, returning his thoughts to where they were before, reached out a hand and pulled her to her feet. “Until then, I seem to have found myself in bed alone. We need to remedy that situation.”

“You want to go back to sleep?” Laura asked, eyes wide as she ran her hands down the warmth of his chest, delighting in the way his skin seemed to jump at her touch. When they reached his pyjama pants, she tugged on them ever so slightly. He got the hint and moved closer, dipping his head towards hers for a slow, passionate kiss.

“I never said I wanted to sleep,” he breathed, his hands running through her hair and down to the small of her back. He pulled her flush against his body before exploring her lips once more. “Just didn’t want to be alone.”

“You’re not alone,” she vowed to him, and he knew that she meant more than just this moment. “Not anymore. Let’s go to bed.”


End file.
